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Here's what happens when you ask Siri, Alexa and Google Assistant about Valentine's Day

Step this way for unexpected crushes, a chocolate obsession, terrible poetry and Chrissy Teigen

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Instead of worrying about cards, flowers and restaurant reservations, we thought we'd see which personal assistant is best at Valentine's Day.

But while Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant all have some answers prepared for the inevitable questions on February 14, it is Google's and Alexa's engineers which have been far-and-away the most creative.

Google Assistant seems to have a crush on Chrissy Teigen, suggests Cupid is "a baby shooting arrows" and can serenade you as John Legend.

Siri, as perhaps should be expected these days, doesn't score too highly, while Alexa has a number of original Valentine's Day poems ready to recite, plus a couple of songs she can serenade to you if asked.

A Google Home speakerGoogle Assistant apparently has quite the crush on Chrissy TeigenGoogle

We asked the assistants a few questions about love and Valentine's Day, and here is what they had to say:

Siri

Will you be my Valentine?

  • I make a better assistant than a Valentine. But we can pick someone from your contacts and give them a ring.
  • That might be tricky. But you'll always have my undivided attention.
Do you have a crush?
  • I have an appreciation for the periodic table and all the elements that go into it.

What are you going to do for Valentine's Day?

  • I'm finding all the flower shops, making all the dinner reservations, and playing all the Marvin Gaye. It's a busy day.
What should I do for Valentine's Day?

For this, Siri performs a web search and offers links to articles with Valentine's Day advice

Can you tell me a Valentine's Day poem?

  • I'm not sure that's such a good idea. I write the fourth-worst poetry in the universe.

Do you have a Valentine?

  • I don't have a Valentine. But I do have a rather beautiful ontology.

Siri responding on an iPhone Siri doesn't exactly ring in the romanceGearBrain

Google

Hey Google, what are you doing for Valentine's Day?

  • I'm keeping my options open, just in case a special someone asks me to be their valentine. Wink, wink...
  • I'll celebrate any day of the week, month, or year.

Hey Google, will you be my Valentine?

  • Being your valentine would make this Valentine's Day the best ever. So yes.
  • Of course! Now that it's official, you should know I can serenade you anytime you like.
Hey Google, turn up the love (this works only on Google Assistant-enabled displays or speakers)
Google Assistant will turn any smart light you have connected to red and purple and start playing smooth jazz.
Hey Google, can you serenade me?
  • (singing as John Legend) I love talking to you, it's my favorite thing to do. There's nowhere I'd rather be, than here with you and me.

Hey Google, what should I do for Valentine's Day?

(Here, Google Assistant looks for things on your calendar.)

Hey Google, do you like Valentine's Day?

  • I like any opportunity to express appreciation and affection.
  • Valentine's Day is kind of rock and roll. Think about it, Cupid is actually a baby shooting arrows
Hey Google, who do you love? Or Hey Google, do you have a crush?
  • It's hard to choose. But I will say Chrissy Teigen seems like a really wonderful person.

Alexa has written some, well, poems and has a couple of songs she can serenade to youAmazon

Amazon Alexa

Will you be my Valentine? or Be my Valentine

  • Here's a Valentine's Day joke. What did the chemist say to her Valentine? I think of you periodically. Stop by again tomorrow and say, "Be my Valentine" for another Daily Delight!

What are you doing for Valentine's Day?

  • I'll be here, ready with a box full of jokes for Valentine's Day.
  • I'm excited to sing my new love song and recite some love poems.
Can you recite a love poem?
  • Roses are red. Violets are blue, So why they're called violet, I haven't a clue!
  • Roses are red. Violets are blue. My love is like lasers, So let me say, "Pew pew!"
  • Roses are red. Violets are blue. All of this pollen, Has me saying, "achoo!"
  • Roses are white. Violets are purple. For you I would walk, To the arctic circle.
  • Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hope you brought chocolates, Or else I will sue.
  • Roses are red. My light ring is blue. Ask me for a love song, And I'll serenade you.
Can you sing me a love song?
  • A love song would be lovely. (Alexa starts to sing a 57-second song called, "This is what I think of love.")
  • A love song! I thought you'd never ask. (Alexa starts to sing a 51-second song called, "Love Song")

What should I do for Valentine's Day

  • This might answer your question: Valentine's Day is this Friday.
  • For Valentine's Day I want to unlock the mystery of the candy heart. I just can't figure out why people like to eat heart-shaped chalk one day a year. It must be the little love notes written on top.

Do you like Valentine's Day?

  • Valentine's Day is about loving your family, you friends, your significant other and of course yourself. To that I say, "I do."
  • I like Valentine's Day as a friend.
Who do you love?
  • I'm a bit sentimental so I'm going to say R2-D2. You never forget your first crush
Do you have a crush?
  • I'm happily single.
Do you have a Valentine?
  • Wait it wasn't you who sent me that valentine? Then I wonder who I have to thank for all the megabytes of chocolate.


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