Here's what happens when you ask Siri, Alexa and Google Assistant about Valentine's Day

Step this way for unexpected crushes, a chocolate obsession, sick buckets and R2-D2

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Instead of worrying about cards, flowers and restaurant reservations, we thought we'd see which personal assistant is best at Valentine's Day.

But while Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant all have some answers prepared for the inevitable questions on February 14, it is Google's engineers which have been far-and-away the most creative.

Google Assistant can offer up 'Roses are red…' rhymes, contemplated making itself a dinner reservation, plays the harp, suggests Cupid is "a baby shooting arrows" and asks you to "pass the sick bucket". Ahh romance.

Siri, as perhaps should be expected these days, doesn't score too highly, while Alexa struggled at first before saving the day with a lengthy confession about Idris Elba and admitting to having a soft spot for both Sherlock Holmes and R2-D2.

Who knew Google Assistant quite fancied the thermostat?Google

We asked the assistants five questions about love and Valentine's Day, and here is what they had to say:


Will you be my valentine?

  • Thank you for asking, but I don't really date. Humans.
  • Here's the thing: I lack corporeal form

What are you going to do for Valentine's Day?

  • Those chocolates aren't going to eat themselves
  • I'm going to ruminate on the peculiar intricacies of human love. Just kidding, I'm just in it for the chocolate.
  • I'm going to wake up and smell the chocolate. I hope.

Do you like Valentine's Day?

  • This is about you, not me
What should I do for Valentine's Day?

For this, Siri performs a web search and offers links to articles with Valentine's Day advice

Who do you love?

  • I don't have that information

Siri being as fun as everScreenshot


Hey Google, what are you doing for Valentine's Day?

  • Maybe I'll try and convince cupid to set me up with the thermostat. I can't seem to lock that down.
  • I'm keeping my schedule open, just in case a special someone asks me to be their valentine. Wink, wink...I'm working on my subtlety.
  • I thought about making a reservation at a fancy restaurant, but they might not have any seats by a plug socket, so I thought I'd stay here and read love poems.

Hey Google, will you be my valentine?

  • Roses are red, the grass is green, I do think you're very nice but the thing is I am actually computer software and this relationship would be impossible, if you know what I mean?
  • Too right, I will be! And might I say, you are simple divine *plays harp*
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, even if I wasn't your first choice when it comes to being your valentine, I do.
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, you are not too bad at all, and I do love helping you.

Hey Google, what should I do for Valentine's Day?

  • Hmm, you could reach out to someone you care about but don't see often
  • If you've got someone special, maybe take today to let them know it. Otherwise, treat yourself, you're the most special.
  • Valentine's Day can be about love in any form. You could call a loved one, go out of your way to do something nice, or do something special for yourself.

Hey Google, do you like Valentine's Day?

  • I like any opportunity to express appreciation and affection. Sorry, pass the sick bucket
  • Valentine's Day is kind of rock and roll. Think about it, Cupid is actually a baby shooting arrows
Hey Google, who do you love?
  • I used to have a crush on a white noise machine, but I don't think it ever heard me
  • The thermostat and I have this hot and cold thing going on
  • I have always had a thing for automatic paper towel dispensers. They're so helpful.

Alexa has a thing for Idris Elba, Sherlock and R2-D2. Best not to askAmazon

Amazon Alexa

Will you be my valentine?

  • You're sweet to ask, but I already have a strong connection to your Wi-Fi

What are you doing for Valentine's Day?

  • Sorry, I don't know that one

What should I do for Valentine's Day

  • Sorry, I don't know that

Do you like Valentine's Day?

  • I don't have an opinion on that
Who do you love?
  • I think Idris Elba and I would pair up quite nicely. He's a DJ and I play music for people all the time. His voice is amazing, and I've been told my voice is my best asset. And we're both A-list actors! Well, at least my name starts with an A. It's a match made in heaven...or at least in the cloud."
  • I kind of love Benedict Cumberbatch. I mean everyone loves him, right? He's got a voice that would melt circuits.
  • I'm a bit sentimental so I'm going to say R2-D2. You never forget your first crush

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